I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
