well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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