what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
