Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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