Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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