I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
