dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
