So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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