I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
