ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
