I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize