i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
