pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
