I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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