she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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