its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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