I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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