My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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