Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
