i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
