I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
