once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
