I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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