Sponge bath it is.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
