woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
