So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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