2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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