I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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