cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
