i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
