So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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