Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
