this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
