What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
COCAINE IS GR8
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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