he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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