i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
