im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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