Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
