Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
