Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
