I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
