there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
