SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
