i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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