Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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