Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
