census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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