1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You're like the curious george of whores
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
