im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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