My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
