My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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