All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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