i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
