Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize