There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
