i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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