John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
