You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
