Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
