When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
