Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize