Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
