I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
