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'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
