I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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