And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
