Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
