Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize